i don’t know what i should entitle this post
so i shall just ramble a little while i figure it out.
these past 8 weeks back in school have been drastically different from my first semester in january & also july 2014. and i cannot put into words how amazingly joyful it has been to be able to enjoy school – the learning, the new friendships, the new endeavours, new sports, reviving past ministry commitments and revisiting old friendships.
that said, the past months have also been littered with many happenings that threaten to upset the joy rediscovered. injuring my back while trampolining with the class & potential the start of a bad tear on my ACL from basketball last semester, 2 falls off a bicycle in a span of a week,
fracturing my elbow from the second freak bicycle-breaking accident in May after making it to the end of the first semester of school (God knows how painful and tough and impossible it was), a few sessions of going for prayer at healing room with uncle peter assuring me each time i was there, church camp & an SP-arranged session for me to meet and talk to Ps Mike Connell where he helped to identify what could have happened in Aceh that triggered this whole episode (it does not seem like something that warranted such great backlash, but God works all things out for good), apart from praying for me, Ps Mike shared with me about the heart & gave me practical handles to work on to get through the next phase (he pre-empted me that it wouldn’t be immediate nor would it be easy) so i moved on with trepidation,
making it through 5 weeks of practicum with much fear, hesitation & praying in tongues – which paved a ton of God’s favour and the simple conscious knowledge of His presence, getting into a bad car crash to mark the day i ended practicum (on a rather good note) – i thank God i walked out of the car with only whiplash, inflammation on my rib bones, some cuts from the seat belt, bruises from hitting something in the car & smashed specs. The car had it worse – so it got an early retirement to the scrapyard & I had to bear the cost of the accident. (thank God for insurance!)
It felt like i just survived another possible spiritual assault on my life & i had to fight back. My cell leader and Elder Peter both prayed for me as i shared with them – just didn’t seem normal. (‘suay’/unlucky you will call it, i don’t believe anything happens by chance. because all the days of my life are already written by Him who created me.)
Almost a month later, we discover that my aunty (my domestic helper/ roomie/ friend) who has been with us for half my life (13 years) had been stealing from us – things of great sentimental value and substantial monetary value. It was almost unbelievable, heartbreaking and stressful. We would have preferred to never find out & wanted to be in denial, but mummy’s wedding & engagement ring & the iconic gold coin bracelet that i remember grandma left for mummy were missing & grudgingly we searched for it amidst her belongings (for the first time in 13 years), only to find that there were 14 pawnshop tickets inside. For a rare moment since i can’t remember when, i sat down with the brothers to talk and pray and really seek God about how we should respond. We were not angry with her, we empathised, we prayed into the spirit realm and were reminded that we do not fight against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. End of the sad story, we sent her to the police station :/ (it was the best we could do) I won’t forget that sunday, missing service and feeling so betrayed, confused and torn.
sept 11, 2014. I turn 25. hurrah.
(that marks 2 years since the day i dropped out of school for the first time. seemingly my first big failure in life. yes, i couldn’t take it anymore, i had to give up)
We get word that uncle peter’s condition is critical, that his body was not recovering well after a surgery to remove his pancreas, gall bladder and spleen because of a 10cm big cyst that was malignant. it was only discovered 2 weeks ago when he came home from a mission trip. we were all praying for him to be healed. and then just past noon we got wind that he was gone. just like that, his life on earth was over. he was just a passing through, he finished his mission, God called him home. but we felt robbed. uncle peter was such a great gentle pillar of support and counsel not just to me, but to the entire church body. the lives he played an active part in were so numerous. a spiritual father to many, a shoulder you know you can lean on. you don’t quite realise how much a person has poured into your life till they’re gone. and i wished i could have told him i was finally better after more than 2 years of this ordeal. i remembered the time he’d spend talking to me, paying me a visit with aunty kwee choon to make sure i was ok when my family was out of town, the prayers he lifted up on my behalf when i couldn’t find words to pray, how he reminded the intercessors to pray for me at friday morning prayers, brought back a devotional from his 3 month US sabbatical for me, cooked mee siam for us when we went to house to learn new things together. he was probably closer than my own grandpa. and i missed his smile, his assuring self & i grieved this loss. we were all taken aback, but we grieve together and will will one day meet uncle peter again, in paradise. thank You for uncle peter’s life LORD. i will live my life a little better because of Your faithful servant & by Your grace.
A thunderstorm drenched our swimming plans, but it brought about a day of rest, packing up pieces (& the mess of my room), a short but good chat with mum, a much needed nap & some time to look back & thank Daddy God that life is finally moving forward. It will never be the same again, and i’m not quite there yet, but i know that God has good plans for my life, the most exciting call that He will ignite and burn a passion in me for & the best partner in waiting for me. in His time. i am at rest. and that makes me ridiculously happy.
God gives His beloved rest! :)